The One Where We Pivot
by Amy
Well, friends…I wrote this a couple of days after I heard that Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Joey were going to cozy up on the orange couch again. This was originally scheduled to post on March 6th, the same day the first case of COVID-19 was confirmed in Indiana.
There’s no regularly scheduled programming returning to our lives anytime soon. So, this is us, hoping to bring some normalcy back to our work.
Here’s to you, our friends…as we continue experiencing one of the BIGGEST PIVOTS of our lives.
Warning- I speak fluent Friends.
how you doin?!
F•R•I•E•N•D•S Fans! Anyone else excited about the Friends Reunion coming to HBO?!
I KNOW!
Could I BE any happier?
What’s my excitement level at you ask? SEVEN. Seven. seven.
If you know me well, then you know I LOVE Friends! My husband and I tuned in every Thursday night- long before on-demand and streaming services existed. Ya know, when you actually had to BE home to press record if you wanted to “tape” a show!
One of the perks of the season of parenthood I’m in is watching the show with my young adult children. They speak fluent Friends references and they send me Friends gifs & memes often- clearly they know their momma’s love language.
We’re already imagining a watch party and planning the menu for the reunion:
Nestlé Toulouse cookies
Meatball Subs
Mmmmm Noodle Soup
Sandwiches
More Turkey
Fajitas!
Coffee + Tea + Muffins
Thanksgiving Trifle-
First there’s a layer of ladyfingers, then jam.
Then custard made from scratch.
Then raspberries and more ladyfingers.
Then beef sautéed with peas and onions.
Then a little bit more custard.
Then bananas and then whipped cream on top.
Oh, and of course, cups and ice- crushed, cubed and dry. OOH. AHH.
Ok, so in all seriousness I was watching the epic PIVOT episode recently and had an ah-ha moment.
Picture this-
Ross is you- the parent(s).
Chandler is your baby.
Rachel is your extended support system.
The couch is the “issue” (labor, feeding, sleeping, etc).
If you haven’t seen this scene then here you go! It’s Must See TV- https://youtu.be/R2u0sN9stbA
Ross is confident his way will work. I mean, he has a sketch and everything! Rachel is there to help him even though she’s certain his plan will not work. But she remains steadfast and supportive, regardless. He needs to figure out for himself that the couch won’t fit.
The two of them try to get his big couch up the stairwell of an NYC apartment building- Ross feels it in his bones that the couch WILL fit. He pushes and pulls and lifts and tugs. After a few tries, the couch doesn’t budge.
Then Chandler enters the picture (that’s baby in this scenario) and as much as Ross yells “PIVIOT!” and Rachel supports the other end, Chandler (the baby) has the final say- and he SNAPS!
It’s in that moment Ross realizes that even though he had a plan, he was prepared, he had support, and he had the sheer determination to will this couch up those dang stairs one way or another...it simply wasn’t going the way he planned.
Many people enter labor/postpartum/parenthood with the Ross mentality- knowing they can do it. And they’re right! THEY CAN!
But what’s forgotten (OFTEN!) in the planning process is that there is another person involved here- a baby. So, while the sketch on paper looks great, all the variables are not always considered.
A birth plan is made, and everything looks good- but sometimes babies don’t tolerate labor well or a cervix doesn’t dilate and the plans change. PIVOT!
An unmedicated birth is the goal, but after days of labor, you decide to get an epidural. OR, an epidual was in the plan all along but there isn’t enough time to get one. PIVOT!
Breastfeeding feeding is going okay, but not great. After some appointments and evaluations, it is determined baby isn’t gaining weight and they are diagnosed with a lip or tongue tie. Baby has a revision. PIVOT!
You are learning quickly that formula feeding isn’t the “easy way” to feed a baby. Allergies/intolerances are suspected- formula is switched, sometimes several times. After a lot of trial and error, you finally find one that works. PIVOT!
Your first baby was a dream by all accounts, even though you were prepared for anything. Since you were banking on baby #2 being just like baby #1, you weren’t mentally prepared for baby #2 being so different- maybe even harder. Everything that worked for your first little one isn’t working for your second- and you have to re-evaluate things for THIS baby. PIVOT!
A pandemic spreads across the globe- can you say BIGGEST PIVOT EVER?!?!
Babies can’t yell “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!” like Chandler did, but they sure do talk to you through body language and crying. When you feel like you are constantly pushing and pulling at something that is met with resistance from your baby, put the couch down, have a seat, put away your sketch, and look at the big picture.
It’s okay to change directions…it doesn’t always mean your end goal will change, too. It’s just that sometimes, shifting gears and choosing a different path to get there ends up being the best thing for baby and for you in the long run.
Your baby really does communicate with you- from Day One. And if you pay close attention, sometimes they will lead you in the direction they need you to pivot towards. This might be BRAND NEW INFORMATION so read it again!
Sometimes your baby will lead you in the direction you need to pivot towards!
One of the greatest things about parenthood is that you won’t stay in one season of life forever. The baby that won’t sleep- because babies aren’t supposed to sleep through the night- will eventually grow, develop and get the hang of it. The baby having a hard time with feeding in the beginning will be feeding themselves from a highchair before long- and helping you cook in the kitchen in a couple years. The baby who screams during every single bath because they want out will soon be screaming because they want to stay in the water a little longer. The baby who seems like they loved life better on the inside rather than the outside will soon give you the best snuggles and hugs of your life.
Friends, the next time you feel like Ross screaming PIVOT- and nothing is budging- take a pause. Look at the big picture. Remember your baby is a forceful factor here and sometimes what you want isn’t what they need.
